I just cut my nipple shaving
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
