No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
