i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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