Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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