Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
