No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize