so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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