i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
soo... how was my night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
