Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Panties = found
Randomize