Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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