I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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