Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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