My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
