you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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