I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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