I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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