You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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