Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
