party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
