wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
