no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
