I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
