I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
