My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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