remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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