Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
