remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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