No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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