I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
