You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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