im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
