I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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