The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
