; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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