this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize