I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
