He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
