Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
