My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
