so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
