sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
