"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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