At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
