worst night to have a conscience
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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