umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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