I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
