He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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