she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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