What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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