He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just had sex on a roof
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
