ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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