Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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