I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
