You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my phone needs a breathalizer
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
