Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how can u be prego again
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
