He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
