he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
