the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
please come you make the beer taste better
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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