If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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