New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
