I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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