Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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