Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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