This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
