Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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