I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
